First love is always special, and so it was for me. I still remember I had so many mixed feelings… I was nervous, confused, happy, depressed, tensed, and a lot more that I even didn’t know… Everything around was looking so restless. I couldn’t even do any single thing that day; maybe I could call him It was so hard to manage that confused mixture of emotions floating inside me. Everything was looking so different…
Any other girl, of course not me, would have expressed those feelings, would have told him that yes, all these are just for you, would have cherished the first feeling of love, and maybe I should have done that. But you know, I am a researcher, a person who is always interested in knowing why this is happening, what is the reason, and has thousands of questions about any small thing. And I did the same with love too… I just ended up thinking about how this happened to me; why really why? How can I like someone, what were the traits? How does he know about everything even I never said.
How I can be so irrational that I just fell in love with someone even without considering all the parameters, by the way, what are the parameters, what should I consider, and then again a long list of questions, never-ending… Thousands of questions were in my mind, and I just wanted an answer for all of them. My Ph.D. instincts overcame my love somehow. Days kept passing, and I was still thinking of their answers.
Being in love for the first time in my life, I was also very curious to call him and tell him everything, express those beautiful feelings to him. Finally, I called but nothing this happened, I just ended up asking him all the questions I had and even more. I wanted to know the limits of our love. I still don’t know if I was more interested in knowing that really am I in love or how am I in love, and I think it was more about the second one. I just spent around a month exploring for those answers, and then one day, I just realized…
I am a girl, a human, and it is pretty normal to fall in love at this young age, and I should enjoy these moments rather than analyzing them with so many WHY, HOW and WHAT… I realized love doesn’t go through the checklist that we prepare for the years before that right moment comes.
It’s been four months, and I am still trying to be a girl and a lover than a researcher in my love story 😛 . Still, sometimes we just sit and analyze how things happened, how we made a choice, how we really opted for it, what was the probability, what were the odds, and so many things. But yes, now I understand that few things just happen beyond math and science; they are just meant to be happened in your life to make it much more beautiful. 🙂
Disclaimer: Just think before falling in love with a researcher 😉 though you can’t help 😛 😀